So this whole Faith thing ...
I was never crazy about it and I am wary of it ... as I am still new to it. The only reason I am talking about Faith is because I absolutely have to do so at this leg of the journey. I have been operating for so long with this anxiety ... about everything. Anxiety about how I look, about money, about my career, relationships, and mostly, about whether things will work out or not. Since I have gone through periodic episodes of horrible depression and anxiety over the last 15 years, and suffered especially deadly depressions over the last two, I have become so very surrendered. I have begun to look upward, inward, backward, forward, around, and even downward. Out of pure survival instinct, I have had to develop a Spirituality, a narrative for my life, that I had a purpose, that what I was going through was happening for a reason. I think I'm finally coming out the other end and, for some reason, the depression is going away. It's nothing short of a miracle. This naturally caused me to believe in some things that I can't see, that there is a loving Being watching over me, with a very special plan, that I am not supposed to understand right now
... but I will later.
I have struggled with Faith so badly. For one, I associated Faith with church, and I have never been a church-goer. I just find all of the scripture and singing very boring. Maybe if I would have gone to a more contemporary church with music, special effects, and a more generalized message, I would have liked it. But I did develop my own Spirituality, as there are things in life like nature, friends, romance, and most of all, those life-changing profound conversations with other people, that are too amazing to not believe in something. I even had paranormal experiences growing up, so I began to believe in the Spirit World early on. And I almost forgot, all of those amazing books about Spirituality that changed your whole worldview and made you want to challenge your thoughts and core beliefs. These books usually talked about some form of Transformation, and I wanted to go through one of those, I wanted to become free of my crap and finally become a successful, non-depressed person.
I believe I am going through my Transformation right now.
And I found that, in order continue on this journey, I cannot take one more step unless I trust the process. This is a form of Faith ... trust. It has been difficult because of the horrible emotional pain I endured. Faith is the first thing that goes when you become depressed, you feel there is no plan for you, that you will be like this forever ...
... that you will be damned for the rest of your life.
But, when I came out of these depressions, miraculously, I became freer from my demons and I became happier than I had ever been. I even felt that it was all worth it in order to get where I am now. I began to trust that the Universe was helping me get to my meaningful and happy life, two incredible businesses, financial success, loving relationships, and healthy self-esteem ... finally!
And as I just watched these shifts in my mind and soul, I began to trust that more good things were to come.
... But the work was far from done.
I still had to face more demons. And because of all this inner work I was doing, I was flushing them out, and they came flying out angrily from all corners of my body, ready to put up one last fight before their destruction. So I had to keep killing them, over and over. Instead of listening to them (they would tell me to worry about money), I practiced Faith, and spent a little money ... trusting that I would be fine. Instead of judging my body, I read a daily mantra about loving myself no matter what, that I was lovable ... no matter what I looked like. I let my nails be chipped, i left pimples unpicked, I even let my grey hairs grow out, trusting that I would still be lovable ... and nobody would notice anyway.
My favorite act of Faith was with my plants. Before I developed this Faith, I overwatered my green little pets, which choked the roots and caused the leaves to turn brown. and wither. I had so much anxiety about whether I should water them or not, and most of the time, I would water them ... even when they didn't need to be watered. I was showing a lack of Faith that the plants would be fine, I was kind of like a helicopter plant mom! These days, I let my plants fend for themselves a little more. I don't want to fuss over them too much anyway ... and lo and behold ... the plants are fine!
Now, I realize that the more and more I do these little acts of Faith, the freer I become. My anxiety goes down exponentially, and when another opportunity to practice Faith comes up, I always have a safe haven or a solution, to simply let the Good Voice in, and She always says, it'll be fine, no worries, just keep going. I kind of have permission to let it go and relax! I see miracles happen, for sure, because I trust in the Universe, I trust my interns and consultants, I trust that money will come (I still worry about this one, but less so), and that I will be fine.
If you're still struggling with this whole Faith thing, maybe you just need to rewrite your own version of Faith.
Faith, to me, is like walking through a dark and foggy forest, with just a dim lantern ... and you can only see the next hundred feet in front of you. You know you have to keep moving down this path, but it's absolutely terrifying, as you don't know what will come at you or if the path will turn into a cliff! Yet, you come to see that some good things happen, you meet wonderful people, you find your calling, and, in those moments, you want to keep going. You are ready to risk continuing on, and start to believe that whatever lies ahead won't hurt you.
So after ALL of this, I've realized that Faith is practically a necessity for the Trip Of Life. I am going to keep developing my Faith and see what happens, because I am starting to believe that there are incredible things on the horizon, and I don't want to miss out on all the good things coming my way.
What does Faith look like to you?
What are small things that you do already to practice a little bit of Faith?
Stay Crispy And Have Faith,
*Make sure to tune into The Crispy Soul Podcast, where we go more into depth on this topic, available on all major streaming apps.