Crispy Online Dating: Part 1

Updated: Sep 11, 2020

Are you ready for this one?

We all have online dating stories from hell.

My God, human behavior in this realm still baffles me. Well, you are in for a treat as I have some stories and insights, and I'd love to hear yours in the comments below.

So, this whole online dating thing. I think it's a useful tool, a necessary platform for finding dates and relationships, especially in states like the very shy Minnesota. What are the chances you and the other person will defy space and time and actually meet, then actually be attracted to one another ... and THEN have that deep connection?!

Slim to none, people.

But we actually do find dates, we do get along, and we do get married or stay together. That's Crispy. Online dating is efficient in that you can filter through the annoying ones only looking for a shallow interaction, and set up a date, where previously this was not as easy to do ... we rely on chance.

And then there's the bowels of the dating world, the horror stories, the dick pics, the disgustingly awkward things that are said to you that make you feel emotionally violated and just gross. My biggest pet peeve in the online dating world is the perfect high-contrast black and white pictures of the guy's best side that make him look like a total hunk to you. And then you see him in person and your heart sinks and your smile turns neutral as you're trying to hide your disappointment and anger that he mislead you ... and he is now wasting your fucking time and money!

But I still go through with it and learn something.

Let's move on to a segment I call "Crispy Dating Horror Stories," the horror isn't always caused by the other person! In this case it is, though.

My first online date was in my mid-twenties. I set up one after work. I had to ask him out. Okay, okay, I know the woman can ask the guy out, but come on, ladies! We secretly want the guy to ask us out. I met him after work and man, he looked young, and not as cute in person. It looked like he had tried to dress himself up with a button down (fine), then cargo pants (no), and dirty white sneakers (also no). No hug, then we sat down and I initiated everything. Oh my God, I shouldn't have to pull teeth to get to know you, man. When he finally asked me a question, while I was answering, his eye contact shifted up and to the right, then on me, then to the left, then left to right, right to left. For fuck sake, he was watching TV ... on a date. I literally felt like I was competing for attention between me and the walking boobs at Hooters or something (btw I did go on a date at Hooters). Then, after dulling conversation, I wrapped up the date ... and he didn't reach for the bill. So I paid for his two alcoholic drinks. TURN OFF, Mother Fucker!

Downtrodden that there wasn't a connection, I went to my car, walking in the cold of an icy Minnesota winter, piercingly bitter and dreary. Just how I felt. But as I sat in my car hanging my head over the steering wheel, someone knocked on my window! It was my dumb date. I rolled down the window and he cupped my face with his still warm hands and kissed me with the passion of a thousand Minnesota bonfires ...

... And it was the best kiss I had ever had. WTF!

I drove away thoroughly confused. Was this just a misunderstood date with actual potential? What was the Universe trying to tell me?

No, no it wasn't.

The next day I got a message from him, "We should just go to a hotel. But I don't have any money. Can you pay for it?"

Omg, are you fucking kidding me?!

I delete that mo fo, embarrassed I'd ever given him the time of day. This is not the most dramatic story, I've got many in store for you, this is just a warm-up, people.

But this situation is a common one, and I want to put a Crispy spin on it for all of you romantics truly looking for someone.

When you say yes and show up to a date, you are partaking in Crispy Dating ... no matter how it ends.

Here are other reasons why you are a Crispy Dater:

- You take a risk and bare your Soul to another human being, even just a little bit

- You risk disappointment and, in a sense, potential rejection

- You accept the challenge of being open to anything

- You always learn something about yourself, what you stand for in life, and your standards for a future partner

- You experience your own spontaneity, you get to be a tourist in your own town, you're even childlike, if only for one night

- You get to kiss some people, you get to be sensual and romantic, which is a huge mood booster

- You develop this weird sense of purpose, because now someone other than your parents is a witness to your life journey. It's powerful

- Lastly, you begin to understand that your perceived success of your date doesn't define you. You define you

Pretty cool!

Well, that's the first segment of Crispy Dating. Comment below what you thought!

Romantically Yours,


*Make sure to tune into The Crispy Soul Podcast, where we go more into depth on this topic, available on all major streaming apps.


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