Fucking With Your Demons

Updated: Sep 11, 2020

So what the fuck does it mean to "fuck with your demons?"


It means messing with the voices that have messed with you for years.


Trippy, right?


Do you have that horrible, negative, and even abusive voice that tears you down, and then you feel like absolute dog crap?


Yeah. Me too.


For years, mine screamed at me "you're fucking ugly and fat and scarred and unlovable, bitch."


Whoa.

That's a mean ass little fucker.


How did this demon-like entity get in my head, make its home in there, and begin terrorizing me all day, everyday?


It is like a latching menace, grabbing onto me, claws gouging in my brain, attacking me until I almost die, but leaving a morsel of me just enough to keep me alive, because if I die, it dies.


Some call this the ego.


I think "the demon" may be connected to the ego, but I think it is still a separate, more malevolent being whose mission is to leach off of its host's insecurities. The weaker it makes you, the more well-fed and stronger it becomes.


Before we defy the demon, we need to find the demon. It starts with observing those first few negative and painful thoughts.


For example:


Your boss wants to see you in her office, that means you're in trouble, you're a failure at your job, you're a failure in life, you're worthless."


You have wrinkles and grey hairs, you are old and ugly, no one will love you, you are unlovable.


Your date stood up, you aren't worth it.


These are examples of the initial thought, then the thought behind, then the thought behind that thought and so forth. These thoughts lead to one final core problematic message, "you are unworthy or unlovable." Because this string of thoughts leads to such a pain, it causes anxiety disorders, depression, and everyday stress. It kills your self-esteem and destroys your motivation to go on with your day with any confidence at all. When you act in a manner that feeds this demon, the demon gets stronger, and then it funnels even worse thoughts into your mind. It can get so bad that you just don't want to live anymore.


Why do we even have these demons?