Fueling

Updated: Sep 11, 2020

Setbacks make us stronger, right?


Abso-fucking-lutely they do.


From my journeys to hell, heaven, and back to Earth, I've seen myself burnt down to a Crisp and then regenerated to a human being again. I've seen days and days of complete agony and despair, wishing I would just die ... begging God to kill me ... and angrily screaming out to Her to end my journey, and fast ... I couldn't take it anymore. Something was very wrong in my mind and I just couldn't believe I had been given such a shit for a brain. It was fucking hell.


Then, I came back to life. My brain felt okay. I had motivation. I experienced pleasure. I felt as if my life had meaning again ... more than ever. And all of the hardship made me a stronger human being, someone who has weathered the worst of storms, I mean THE WORST, like category five hurricane "worst" ... I became a mid-thirties woman with some grit and, for some reason, surviving a terrible experience made me realize very quickly that I had to continue on this mission ... I had to do what I was put on this earth to do ... help others through this podcast. I just knew in my core that I was meant to do this (my dad actually came up with the idea). And when I recovered from my hellish depressions, I felt this renewed appreciation for life, insights about everything came flowing in. I felt connected to the Divine. My senses were heightened, all of the wonders of the world cascaded beautifully into my sensory experience. And I just picked up where I left off the last time that I felt good.


I kept walking the path.


... but with a ferocious tenacity that I hadn't seen in myself before.


... If I was going to go through hell, I was going to come back to Earth to tell people about it, to use my experience for the greater good and, at the very least, share my story ... because if I don't, my pain will all be for nothing. I also found that the more I shared my story and worked on my mission, the more I healed myself. The freer I became.


This is "fueling".


You have a mission in life (a flame in your soul) and you feel as though you must complete it in order to be whole. Sometimes, the flame grows dim and almost gets extinguished, reduced to mere embers. But then a near death experience happens, or an existential crisis, a death in the family, divorce, something that shakes you to your core, and almost crushes you ...


But it doesn't.


You somehow get through the painful experience, and when you get back up on your feet, you rediscover your flame, your mission. You all of a sudden have a burning desire, more than ever, to get going and do this thing, finally. It is like that cliche that "life is short." It's a cliche for a reason. You have seen the worst, you almost lost your soul or your life, you might as well live life to the fullest starting now, live it on your terms, and go after your dreams ... hard. You have been pushed to the brink of insanity and then you muscled through it, you just can't go back to the old status quo. You have seen too much, you are too inspired, you see the greater picture now. You have a duty. And if the painful experience involved someone doing harm to you, you channel this experience to help others heal from similar experiences or use your anger about it to catalyze change in society.


I felt angry and confused about my lot in life, but as I accepted more and more ... well ... my lot in life, I was totally forced to make the best of the situation, for example, I gained a lot of wisdom, empathy, and introspection that helped with my creative endeavors, all because of the the down times. Even my counselor and psychiatrist said I was the most emotionally intelligent client they had ever had. This confirmed that I may have had some gifts to share and that maybe I had a special mission that I was chosen for. Out of pure survival instinct, I had to believe that my life mattered. I needed to give my life meaning, or else I couldn't go on.


I think these painful experiences are like putting immense pressure on our souls, causing them to transform into beautiful, stronger beings of light ... just like diamonds. Without this pressure, this fuel, a catalyst of some sort, we would remain soft, dim, limp ... scared. We literally couldn't continue on our mission, we couldn't face the strong winds and flying debris ahead because we haven't been conditioned for it. We would just perish right on the spot. It's some sort of slingshot effect too, I think: you are being held back, restrained, and then finally released, and you propel out into the universe faster than you ever would have if you had not been held back or down. I can tell you that.


So, this has got to be a universal law of some sort that applies to all humans.


Because we endured the heat, pressure, winds, floods, droughts, and most of all, darkness, we learned a shit ton, we gained wisdom, survival skills, we became physically and mentally stronger. For when the crap subsides, it becomes so much easier to walk our path. We can go faster, we can go longer, we can stand taller, with more wisdom, all in confidence that there are great things in store for us.


We can do it all and not be afraid anymore.


What a gift!


The pain was a gift.


Whoa.


So again, after all of the pain and suffering, did I come out stronger?


Fuck yeah I did.


So will you.


Stay Strong And Crispy,

Avery

*Make sure to tune into The Crispy Soul Podcast, where we go more into depth on this topic, available on all major streaming apps.

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